Just a comment on the picture used with this post. Grandpa is pictured in front of the hutch, where the chinaware was stored. A big plate is behind him, making it look like he had a halo. I think he did indeed have a halo!
Let’s go on a bit of a digression first:
It is striking me funny that I am doing this re-look at all the posts just because I read David Brooks book, “How to Know a Person” – and because Brooks quoted yet another author (Isak Dinesen) who said several things that I believe I’ve mentioned in several blog posts. I guess I’m laughing because it makes me happy to have understood the truth in what these men have written and to envision how wonderful it would be to apply all their counsel. I am happy because I have indeed been trying to apply what they’ve said and am starting to reap the fruits–of joy, excitement and purpose.
Today…
(1) I’ll quote a whole paragraph–initially from Brooks–and then at the end of the paragraph Dinesen creeps in again.
(2) After the paragraph, I’ll tell you what is striking me from that excerpt;
(3a) Then I will tell you how that revelation will lead the writing of this post…
(3b) And then I will actually include a writeup covering the intended subject:
“What will life look like…because of Grandpa Hitchcock?”
(4) And finally, I will be sure to erupt in JOY at the end of the post with NEW PURPOSE!! How’s THAT for lining out this writeup?!!
Here We Go!!!
(1) The paragraph from David Brooks book, “How to Know a Person” – p. 217:
“The ability to craft an accurate and coherent life story is yet another vital skill we don’t teach people in school. But coming up with a personal story is centrally important to leading a meaningful life. You can’t know who you are unless you know how to tell your story. You can’t have a stable identity unless you take the inchoate events of your life and give your life meaning by turning the events into a coherent story. You can know what to do next only if you know what story you are a part of. And you can endure present pains only if you can see them as part of a story that will yield future benefits. ‘All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story,’ as the Danish writer Isak Dinesen said.”
(2) What is striking me from the above excerpt…
is that I didn’t realize how important it is to review one’s life and the people/characters who have played a part in it. Those people have affected us heavily. We are choosing to follow their advice, or perhaps we are making a point of refusing advice; or we are consciously or unconsciously modeling or completely rejecting someone’s philosophy. But I have never–until this blog–realized that I haven’t even put into words what life or people or philosophy even MEAN to me until working through this blog. What seems to stand out in the people I’ve been spotlighting are characteristics I have admired. And that brings us to the next point…
(3a) How the above revelation is leading to the writing of this post…
What is striking me is that people and their philosophy DO INDEED mean MUCH to me, in fact are shaping who I am and what impact I want to have. And Grandpa Hitchcock had a wonderful philosophy and impact on me. I look forward to seeing his story through different lenses this time. What indeed will life look like because of the impact Grandpa Hitchcock had on little old ME?!!
(3b) The actual writeup on: What will life look like…because of Grandpa Hitchcock
The “Grandpa” Kink post aired on March 22, 2024. You can read it again, if you want, by clicking on this link:
Grandpa Hitchcock.
In the original post, I was basically remembering going through Kink’s dementia with him, since we moved in as a family in order to best care for him. What affects me the most from that post was the sense of calm and even joy I get every time I read it. Kink modelled calmness–and joy–accepting life as it came. He had been through SO MUCH, but there was a constancy in him that helped him through every trial. I didn’t tell you everything Kink went through in his life in that particular post. Let me give you a list, so you have a better grasp as to his mettle:
- Death of Mother
When he was only 4 his mother died in an emergency appendectomy. - Death of Father
When he was only 5, his daddy, Wilbur Hitchcock, married Verna Johanneson. On their honeymoon trip to California, Wilbur died from complications following an auto accident. - New “Mom” takes over as Mother
New widow Verna travels back to Laramie trying to decide if she should stay and raise Wilbur’s children.
IT WAS LITTLE 5-YEAR-OLD KINK who asked her to stay, since if she didn’t, the four children would be split up among relatives. She was touched by that young boy’s plea and impressed with his young wisdom; she stayed–never remarried–and raised all four children, put them all through college…and all of that was while they experienced #4… - The Great Depression
The new family learned to live through the Great Depression from Verna, their “new” mom – who happened to have a degree in home economics. She was incredibly wise, capable, creative and determined. She also had a great sense of humor. As an example, Kink said she was trying to get him and his brother Eliot to take a bath. Verna said, “If you two don’t get cleaned up, we’ll have to change your names from Kink and Eliot to Stink and Smeliot!” Grandpa adapted her sweet sense of humor through the forthcoming years… - Enlisted and fought in World War II
Kink and his brother Eliot enlisted to fight in WWII. Eliot was a pilot with the US SeaBees from 1943 to 1945.; Kink served as a captain for the Army Corps of Engineers (where he earned six Bronze Service Stars!) - Lived life
Kink married Edna Carlisle, a nurse who took care of him and others after the invasion on the beach at Normandy. In 1946, he joined brother Eliot in Hitchcock & Hitchcock Architects in Laramie, Wyoming; they built houses across from one another with LaPrele Park in between. Kink and Edna had three beautiful children, put them through college and married them all off, garnering grandkid fruit. - Brother David takes his life
Kink’s brother David was a lawyer in Laramie, even served as Senate Minority Leader in the 43rd Wyoming Legislature. He took his life in 1979, just one year before Denny and I were married. Such a grief for this wonderful family. - Edna takes her own life
After all the kids had been married off and having families of their own, Edna went into a depression. The Doc placed her in a facility in Colorado to help with her mental and physical state, taking her off all the medicines “cold turkey”.
Edna took her own life while in that hospital.
I remember Denny and I running over to be with Kink upon receiving the tragic news. I positioned myself to be the one who would answer Kink’s door for him, since people were coming to call as they found out the news. A lovely older lady named Chriss Corbett came to the door. I ushered her in, and she walked through the living room to sit next to Kink. Then they just held hands and did not say a word. The tears streamed down their faces. No words could express the pain.
But I wasn’t as sensitive as Chriss was. I remember point-blank asking Kink how he was dealing with such pain. He graciously was able to put into words for me as to what he was learning. He haltingly told me that he remembered people telling him–when his own mother died–that she was a good woman. They said that to him to counter what his young mind had worried about, worried that there was something his mama did that deserved such an end.
Kink also remembered hearing so many people over the years telling him that God is good. His end focus at this terrible time was to put his whole weight on God, trusting Him that He is indeed good. Kink knew he couldn’t understand all that had transpired, but instead chose to be strengthened in his heart and mind by the knowledge that God is good, that God has a plan, that God’s plan is ultimately good; that it is not for us to understand right now, but that we will understand it someday, and that we will indeed give God glory for what will be revealed, over-and-above anything that we could have asked or even thought.
That understanding kept Kink in precious peace throughout so many life trials. He studied the Bible in classes in his church. He read it and loved it. He could have preached its full theology. But he was able to encapsulate all he read and knew in a final acceptance that “God is Good”. And that simplicity stuck with him even through his dementia up to his rejoicing on the day of his death. - New wife-to-be dies the day the wedding rings arrived
It was hard for Kink to be alone. So after some time, he ended up connecting with an old friend. They decided they would marry. But before they could even get the wedding rings in hand, the woman became quite ill. I can’t remember what was wrong–I believe it was a fast-growing cancer–and indeed it was fast and fatal. The wedding rings arrived, and Kink took them to the hospital to show her. I believe she died that very day. I am grateful that the lady had Kink with her at that time, and that she died knowing she was loved. - Marriage to friend in his church…dies through Amyloidosis
After some time, Kink started dating a woman in his church. She was choir director and a wonderful Laramie musician and music teacher named Bobbie Jay. And she was lovely inside and out. She and Kink had a sweet wedding at their church, First Baptist Church of Laramie. Her two daughters and their families and Kink’s three adult children and their families attended with smiles and laughter, celebrating these two coming together. Kink and Bobbie traveled quite a bit in their marriage years, a very happy time for them both. But Bobbie ended up with a very serious health issue: amyloidosis. Kink kept her at home with assistance from Home Hospice. Denny and I were in Kentucky at that time, finishing up seminary. Bobbie died while we were still in Kentucky. Again, I am grateful that Bobbie had her special time with Kink, that they had such wonderful travels and time together…and that she felt so loved prior to her death. - Dementia
So when Denny and I and the kids came up to Wyoming following seminary, it was then that Denny noticed his dad was having problems. Denny felt we should move in and take care of him. So we lived life with him until he died.
So…How did Kink Handle Tragedies?
OR… What will life look like for me now because of how Kink lived his life in my presence?
How did Kink “handle tragedies? That’s the big question. And the big answer is that Kink just couldn’t be beaten down. What I typed above in #7 above, when I asked Kink how he was able to handle such pain following Edna’s suicide, he haltingly expressed what ended up being proven through the remainder of his life: that God is good, that He has a plan that is good; that someday we will understand, but can rest in the basic thought that God has a plan that is good. Kink had a childlike faith… and even became more childlike as he aged through the dementia at the end of his life. He had the eyes of a child, a love for beauty and God’s creation, and on his last day, he had great enjoyment in a ride on a gurney and ambulance, in eating his last chocolate pudding, and then in a vision as his eyes beheld “his ride home”–with great excitement and joy. Go read that post if you haven’t already! LONG STORY SHORT: I want to live life in that manner, in the simplicity of a childlike faith, trusting in a God who knows more than I do!
(4) And finally, here I am erupting in JOY at the end of the post with NEW PURPOSE!!
Remember what Isak Dinesen said in the quote I mentioned at the beginning of this post: “…You can endure present pains only if you can see them as part of a story that will yield future benefits.” So I see myself adopting Kink’s philosophy to help endure “present” and future pains, since I can view them as being part of a story that will indeed yield future benefits, as I saw happen with Kink. I tend to get overwhelmed with TMI (too much information). So I need to simplify my faith–and looking at Kink’s life is helping me to do that. I want to be looking through the eyes of a childlike faith as did Kink–a faith that completely trusts God to take whatever happens in my life and use it to His glory; a faith that completely rests in Him when times are hard, knowing that He has promised to never leave me or forsake me, that He lives in me, that He comes to sup with me (it says in Revelation 3:20).
SUPPER!
I love that thought of supper! When you have someone over to “sup with you”, what do you envision? I see an easy meal of soup and bread, perhaps–and of course, hot chocolate–on a cold evening. Huddled at the table, enjoying one another’s company, discussing what’s on your heart of hearts? God says in Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” That amazes me! He loves us each so much and wants each of us individually to communicate with Him.
SUMMARY
Grandpa Clinton “Kink” Hitchcock lived a HARD life, but with such grace and thoughtfulness, kindness, wisdom, and peaceful acceptance. I want to live that kind of life. I want to be ready for anything, bracing against the winds of change, prepared for anything, grateful for the good, patient through the difficult, a wise anchor for those in the storm with me. A comfort to others. Not a complainer. Thoughtful in difficulties. Keeping God topmost in my thoughts and not trying to “read” God, but instead accepting that God is good no matter the trials. I watched that mindset take Kink through his hard times, and so far such a mindset has also been floating me through my life of challenges. I now propose to myself to be intentional about this for the present and future…not just reflective over the past.
Above: Family with Grandpa Hitchcock center back. I am to the left with toddler Emma, then Denny, then our little Byron next to Grandpa. Denny’s sister Barbara is next, with her daughter Sarah and Barb’s husband Phil. We were “supping” together!!!