Dancing Through Dementia

First, what I DO NOT MEAN:

I do NOT mean it’s “a breeze” to get through dementia. DEFINITELY not.
I do NOT mean it’s an enjoyable or romantic hobby. DEFINITELY not.

Secondly, what I DO MEAN by “DANCING” (with dementia):

Dancing takes being tuned in to your partner (or in our case, to the person who has dementia), going where they want to go, talking what they want to talk, being what they want you to be. It can be pretty much effortless… and rewarding. As opposed to fighting it all the way “tooth and nail”—trying to get the person with dementia to be realistic, or to see things the way they are, to try to “fix them”… the pressure is off. You can’t fix these individuals. Go with the flow and be what’s needed.

Here’s a case in point: I remember a friend named Peter, who was a CNA and then a nurse at my Dad’s memory care unit. Peter said the unit was his favorite place to work, because he could play-act and be who each individual needed him to be. He told me about a gentleman who had been a pilot in a war long ago. As Peter reminisced, his face erupted into a huge smile as he remembered the gentleman who thought Peter was his long-lost friend and co-pilot. So Peter stepped in to the role of the co-pilot friend and sat down at the table to hobnob. His gentleman friend was SO excited to reunite with his old pal and laugh over their war stories. What joy it brought to Peter to see this man relive those earlier memories, reveling in the illusion of having his friend by his side!

Another example includes my husband’s dad. One night he was up much later than normal, sitting in his recliner. Finally he spoke out loud, “I wonder where I should sleep tonight.” This coming from the man–an architect–who BUILT the very house we were living in, who had slept in his same bedroom since it was built in 1955. My mouth luckily remained closed. But I wanted to blurt out, “Oh my gosh!! You don’t know where your bedroom is??!!! Oh gosh, what’s wrong?!!!!” And I would have had everyone in a tizzy. But my husband, not missing a beat, gently said, “You would sleep in your bedroom. Would you like for me to show you where it is?” His dad replied, “Well, I would be much obliged!” Those two were such gentlemen to one another. Grandpa got up from his recliner, took his son’s arm and headed to his bedroom… “dancing” in step. 

Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with dementia.
I was his primary caregiver until he passed away on April 30, 2023. I have decided to proceed with this blog even though he recently passed, in order to process this journey and encourage others who are traveling this path.  Thank you for your interest in learning more with me about dancing through dementia.