I normally post weekly on Thursdays, but my Thursday this week is busy, so I’m publishing a day early. Sorry for the break in routine!
In the last post, “Telling a New Story”, I set out to explore what life will now look like because of what I learned…
– through the saga of going through dementia with husband Denny and through his death
– as I kept writing in order to process all that happened
– because of a desire to come to grips with it all, and to move forward in a healthy way.
In the David Brooks book I’ve mentioned in earlier posts [you’re probably getting tired of my mentioning that! I hope you go find the book and read it; then you’ll know why I can’t get over it!–“How to Know a Person” by David Brooks: “The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” I need to reread it again…], a person named Aldous Huxley was cited as saying…
“Experience is not what happens to you,
it’s what you do with what happens to you.”
So that is the main goal of this and future posts.
With that being said, I decided to go back to the beginning of this blog, re-read each post and decide what I learned from each individual post… what I learned that makes me live or want to live differently NOW. I’m super excited about this–envisioning each post’s lesson; then giving myself an action plan to implement NOW. Wahoo! I am hoping this is not just for ME… I hope others are learning along with me on how to move forward after traumatic events.
POST #1 REVIEW / RESULTING THEME
When I first started this blog, “Dancing Through Dementia”, and tried to answer the question: “Why ‘Dancing with Dementia’?”–my biggest concern expressed in that first post was that I be what was needed in each moment with Denny. But that thinking continues to be a theme for LIFE right now, in a nice tidy bulleted list:
- Being what is needed for the moment…#1…
for my adult kids (if they happen to share their concerns with me) - Being what is needed for the moment…#2…
for my neighbors (if I would get to know them better to discover their needs!) - Being what is needed for the moment…#3…
for friends (as they share their lives with me) - Being what is needed for the moment…#4…
in my new church (as they begin to know me better and see what I can offer)
All the above “being-what-is-needed-for-the-moment!” can certainly end up being fulfilling, but it could also be pretty taxing! I wonder how we recognize limits and hold to those. And I wonder how to set priorities. I also see my faith coming into play in a very real way. As a Christian I have meditated on the Bible verse [Matthew 10:39 NIV translation] where the Lord says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” How very DEEP that is!! So that verse is becoming my motive. Not “because so-and-so will like me for it”… or “because I’d feel guilty if I don’t do it”… but because my God has a heart for people and takes great joy when I follow His heart. That is a translation that makes sense to me, anyway.
Therefore, I am ready and excited to move away from the heavy focus I’ve had on getting my life in order, getting MY needs met [and I am very grateful that I now feel that my life IS in order somewhat, that my needs ARE being met in a beautiful way]. Therefore, I am very ready to be looking outside myself now–and as with a new bud in a garden–excited to see life unfold and fully flower as God means it to, by turning my attention to investing in others for the ONE reason, the ONE motive noted in the paragraph above.
I’ve made a personal to-do list for myself [I won’t bore you with it!] on how to start accomplishing the goals in the 4-item bulleted listing above, in working to be what is needed for the moment for my kids, neighbors, friends and church. I am not just sitting around wondering what my life would look like but planning to put ALL the points into action now. Philosophizing is great… but it needs action to bring fulfillment! So I’ll sign off of philosophizing now and head over to the set of my POST #1 REALITY SHOW called “REAL LIFE”!!
Hope to “see” you next week for Post #2’s Review and its Resulting Theme… This is sort of fun. It’s very much like a jigsaw puzzle, is it not? This whole blog of posts up until today’s is like finishing the border of the puzzle. With this post and future ones, we’ll be bringing together the puzzle pieces to make another part of the puzzle clear and colorful. Yay for Jigsaw Puzzles!!!… and for seeing life take on a unique shape dressed with surprising color, making impact as God blesses and directs.
4 thoughts on “What Will Life Look Like?”
Ah hah!!!! Jigsaw puzzles!!!! My very favorite!!!
It seems to be a calming thing for me to do after being super busy with my super busy husband!!!
Yes, every time I think of “jigsaw puzzles” I think of you in the last super-snowy winter, when my girls and I saw the picture of you in front of your fireplace, with snow creeping up your window, and you joyfully sitting with your puzzle. We all wanted to be there WITH you so much!
IMO, I think your first bullet, maybe #0, is to “Be what is needed for the moment for myself”. If we don’t take care of ourselves first, not only does that take a toll eventually, but we really can’t give as much to others, too. Think of the airplane oxygen analogy. They instruct to put the mask on yourself first, then your kids.
Serving others and recognizing their needs is a great gift, but I hope you’ll always consider your own needs in the equation, too!
Oh, Donna, you are wise to notice I inadvertently left “being what is needed for the moment for myself” out of the written equations! Yes, I think I am for sure taking care of self first. I like that airplane oxygen analogy as a reminder though. Maybe I’ll hang some oxygen masks around the house to remind me 🙂 The girls had me read the book on “Boundaries” when I came to the Springs. It has been helpful for all three of us to have read through it, and therefore to understand when one of us has to “bow out” and take time for ourselves. I THINK I am more tuned in to my stress levels than I was before, after dealing with my “Anxiety” post! And I just got my new tap shoes in the mail along with drumsticks and a practice pad. Planning a lot of fun in my place 🙂 But thanks for the nudge! I might have to do another post to accommodate that oversight… especially since I’m hoping to help someone else out there going through something similar. Thanks, good friend.