The Lesson of the Oxygen Mask

Last week I was addressing “What Will Life Look Like?”, working to move forward by taking all that happened in the past year and then painting myself a picture of what I thought life could look like because of all I had been through, because of all I had learned. I was excited to start focusing on others instead of myself, to be what is needed for the moment for my kids, neighbors, friends and church. I also interjected somewhat of a warning sign, wondering how I was going to recognize limits. And then I received a response to the post from my faithful friend–perhaps she’s a guardian angel?–Donna. She reminded me of what stewardesses tell us prior to our airplane flights: “Put your oxygen mask on YOURSELF before you tend to your children/others.” Or in Donna’s words, “If we don’t take care of ourselves first, not only does that take a toll eventually, but we really can’t give as much to others, too…”

So, just in case others are following the blog and putting some of this into practice, I thought it would be wise to devote a whole blog post to the suggested mindset…thus “The Lesson of the Oxygen Mask”.

BOUNDARIES
After my husband died in 2023 and I sold my Wyoming house, I bought a townhouse in Colorado Springs in order to be closer to my three adult kiddos. I remember being SOOOO grateful for their help and feeling so obligated to be what they needed henceforth. But then I remember getting sort of cranky (well, REALLY cranky–see post on CRUELLA!), and by the fall of 2023 my girls told me to read the book, “Boundaries” by Cloud & Townsend. The subtitle of that book is as follows:

WHEN TO SAY YES
HOW TO SAY NO
TO TAKE CONTROL
OF YOUR LIFE

It is a great book, for all stages of life. I suppose it should be one of those books you put on a calendar and remind yourself to read it annually! But that can be a problem, when one loves to read…since you want to read a NEW book, not an old one. So, I’ve figured out a new way to remember important takeaways from the books I’m reading! See below.

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT TAKEAWAYS: Mom’s Idea
My mother, Lavona Memmer Engstrom, was so artistic. She also had a daddy — Franzel Memmer — who was called the town philosopher in Wheatland, Wyoming in his day. He had a beautiful take on life and was so wise in his words. He wrote poetry, putting forth his sweet philosophy. His daughter Lavona picked up on his thinking patterns and came up with her own way to remember what she had learned from him in addition to what she learned in her own life as to how to live well.

I remember our ping-pong table in the basement of our house, covered with mother’s artistic materials, cards she had saved, sayings that were important to her. She would use the compilation of materials to make cards for people, or to decorate scrapbooks for her P.E.O. chapter. She also made a really cool ring calendar of cards pictured below. For each day of the calendar year, she had typed onto a card one of the poems or thoughts she wanted to remember, and then decorated the card by cutting out flowers or pictures from cards people had sent her. Each card is double sided, since you turn the whole thing around for the completed year of 365 days. She also laminated each card so they would last indefinitely. Then she put two holes atop each card and used large rings to bind the card calendar.

USING MOM’S IDEA …SIMPLIFYING REMEMBERING
I have been so overwhelmed with everything I have been reading, since I am wanting to remember important truths and apply them to how I live. So I decided to do what Mom did–but I am in a bit of a hurry–so I skipped trying to emulate Mom’s creativity. I started putting dates on the cards, but even stopped doing that. I also originally laminated the cards as Mom did, but stopped doing that…for the moment anyway.

So my card setup is simple; but it is helping me remember important truths. I put my card rings on a standing towel holder and put it by a recliner in my bedroom. I often sit there and flip through the cards, refreshing my mind with important quotes from books I’ve read, etc. Yes, it would be nice to do a deeper work as my mother did, and perhaps I will do that someday when I have time (since I did buy a laminator and all!). But this is working for me for the moment. See picture below. On one of the towel holder bars is my mother’s full year of cards, hanging by their rings; then the bar closest to us is the start of my simpler idea.

FROM OXYGEN MASKS to BOUNDARIES to CARD RING REMINDERS…How does it all fit together?
1. My friend’s oxygen mask analogy
…was to help us remember to take care of ourselves first so that we will have what is needed to give into other’s lives.

2. Reminder system
The “Boundaries” book encourages folks to keep healthy relationships and guidelines to best survive in our busy lives. But all the advice was hard to remember, thus having a reminder system in place can help us (well, ME) remember important truths. The card ring system has quotes from other books I’ve read–not just the “Boundaries” book. And I’ve been adding in important favorite Bible scriptures as well, with my thoughts as to how I understand the text on any one card and how I want to see it working in my life.

3. Taking a thought for a walk
I like to take one thought from that ring of cards and meditate on it as I go for a walk, coming up with a way to implement in the day ahead. I’m desperate not to lose those important truths! If we act them out, we are supposed to remember them better, right?

AND HOW DOES THIS FIT IN A DEMENTIA BLOG…???
Well, if I’m the only one having trouble remembering everything I’m learning, then maybe this Dementia Blog is starting to cover MY journey!! Time will tell. Shame on Time for telling! Time has no manners.

WRAP-UP
(1) So, the gist of this post is to tell us all to take care of ourselves first.
(2) Then look to helping others as our energy/time allows.
(3) Read important books to enrich our walk in life, to generate bold ideas for action.
(4) People like me may need to make notes to remember what we read!
(5) Take a walk with our notes and decide how we will put our grand ideas into action.
(6) Then come back next week and we’ll resume going through the posts from the beginning, deciding “what life will look like” because of what we went through this past year. I know the posts are about what “I” went through, but I’m hoping you are thinking about what YOU went through this last year and how the year changed YOU!